When a couple goes on the warpath that leads to separation or divorce, it is the children who pay the heaviest price as they are shattered when the court tells them to go with the parent whom he or she deems best.

This can be a traumatizing experience for any kid and can actually affect them psychologically.  Most often couples fighting for divorce forget about what’s best for the child and take on single parenting in rigidity against their spouse. An adverse divorce brings about bitterness, publicly exploiting the emotions of parents as well as the child, leaving the child hurt and confused. Children are the primary victims of matrimonial disputes and custody claims. When spouses are at loggerheads, fight for ‘custody’ of the children begins. The Indian law generally talks about exclusive custody of children either by father or mother, depending upon the age of the children and other circumstances. Matrimonial feud denies children the necessary care, affection and protection. In a troubled home, their emotional, ethical and intellectual growth get stalled.

Divorced couples should take up joint custody of the child, putting aside their differences for the sake of the upbringing of the child. Joint legal custody is most ideal for parents who have already demonstrated a willingness to work with one another in making key decisions for their child. It’s also best when neither parent is holding a grudge against the other or refusing to communicate – which happens, unfortunately.

Currently, most courts hearing divorce cases end up granting custody of the child to the mother, especially if it is a girl. The father stands a better chance of getting custody if it is a boy and can prove to the court that the mother is incapable of looking after the child. Granting custody to one parent may not be the best idea as it may not go well with the child who might miss out on the emotional security that the other parent provided. Non-custodial parents ultimately end up getting visitation rights. This also deprives that parent of playing an effective parental role. Child psychologists say that alienating a child from one parent may start losing bond with the other parent and also affect his mental health, academic performance and such insecure kids are more prone to going on the negative side.

There is a need for a law to be developed where children are able to take shelter under a joint parenting system so that they can live with both the parents at different periods of time and feel more secure and complete. Often wide gaps in financial status and social standing of both parents start influencing the child’s preference towards more comfortable position. Usually fathers are earning and have free-hand in expenses while non-working mothers are left with child support for the childcare, which is not enough to maintain the previous lifestyle. In such cases, what both the parents can do is to co-operate with each other in fulfilling the child’s needs. Shared parenting is often costly since it involves providing two homes rather than one for a child.

Visitation rights must ensure that a child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents, when appropriate, and also with extended family and friends; and both parents have equal opportunities to spend quality time with the child, including during holidays and vacations.

While divorce is ugly, co-parenting has its own perks, for you as well as your kid hence why not enjoy it to create a healthy bond with your ex and make your child not feel family deprived. Co-parenting can be a demanding task after divorce, especially when you settled down and start entertaining personal needs. Acceptance, forgiveness and healthy respect for the other parent are the key to successful co-parenting after divorce.

Shared parenting exist in a number of countries around the world including the US, UK, Australia, Netherlands and South Africa. With divorce rates on the rise in India, it’s high time our lawmakers give serious thought to amending the Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act to diminish the trauma that children of estranged parents undergo during the divorce proceedings and the custodial battle. The court could consider appointing one trained child psychologist or clinical psychologist in every family court. This will help relieve the trauma faced by children during custodial litigation.

The Law Commission of India in its 257th report, titled Reforms in Guardianship and Custody Laws in India’, had recommended amendments in the Guardians and Wards Act, 1890 and the Hindu Minority and Guardianship Act, 1956 so as to bring these statutes in tune with the modern social considerations.

In a progressive move, the Supreme Court has asked the centre to respond to the issue of shared parenting of a child in cases of separated or divorced parents. The Central Government has invited comments from state governments on whether new legislation is needed to be framed to facilitate joint custody of children in a divorced family and is in process of seeking the states views on the subject of shared parenting.